When in doubt...

Part of my new job is to go to community colleges and give classroom presentations. Sounds great, right? I don't have to be in an office all day and I get to meet people...well there is one slight problem. I tend to get a little nervous when I speak in front of groups...and sometimes my words run together...A LOT!!!! So yesterday as I stood in front of a group of freshman students telling them about the process of transferring; it dawned on me...they had no idea that I was nervous...and that I'm not as awful as I think I am (must have been those killer black booties that I was rocking with my fabulous pencil skirt and fierce fishnets that gave me confidence). Seriously, I think a lot of times we don't give ourselves enough credit. It is always easy to doubt ourselves and think negative thoughts. Ladies I am going to let you in on a secret...people aren't mind readers. What? You didn't know that? Seriously...they don't know when we feel like we are about to faint from being nervous. They can't hear us when we are thinking how stupid we look. They don't know when we make a mistake...UNLESS YOU TELL THEM!!!!! So my little lesson in this rant: stop with the self doubt. When you walk in a room DO NOT walk in with your head down. Look around, meet each gaze with a smile, and work the room!!! Until next time...

~Miss Guide

What About Your Friends?

Girls... go grab some tea and let's chat for a minute. We all have friends, right? I mean...ya'll are ride or die for each other, right? You share shoes, clothes, loan each other yards of hair for that flyy ass hairstyle, and they are there for you when you break up with your dude (assuming she isn't with him...yeah, it happens). My point is...you have your crew of BFFs and you all will be friends forever, right? Not so fast...Things happen and things change. Years ago no one could convince me that my best friend and I would ever lose contact with each other...or be beefing over a boy. Well...sh*t happens. We often hear about fake a$$ friends...you know the ones that like to hear about your drama, but are never there to hear about the good things going on in your life. Then there are the drama filled friends...the ones that always have something going on in their life and when you try to share you can't get a word in on any part of the conversation...it is always about them. Then there is the friend that only calls you when she needs something...be it money, an outfit, a ride somewhere, or a hook up. Then there is that one friend that swears every damn man in the world wants her...and she always calls you to go out because in her mind she looks better than you and therefore she feels she won't have any competition...sorry ladies...you have all been that person to someone at some point...if not...it is coming.

I bet you are thinking I am some angry "old" chick with no friends...quite the opposite. I'm a very happy person, but I have been hurt by people that I have considered a close friend. When I was younger a good friend to me was someone that kept my secrets, was there for me during a break up, and had my back if I had to fight...well the truth is this: some secrets are meant to be told. If you are being abused by someone...a good friend will urge you to tell...and may even offer to be there with you when you do tell. As for break ups...yes a good friend will be there, but he or she will also truthfully let you know when you are being stupid as hell behind some dude that isn't worth a bucket of your piss. And lastly... yes a real friend will have your back, but long before fist fly and razors are pulled out...SERIOUSLY...fighting is SOOO 1990s. Ladies...black eyes are not fly...besides we have a Black First Lady. Can you imagine Lady Obama's gorgeous clothing being ripped due to fighting? Umm...no! A real friend would never get things get that far. She would remind you how silly fighting is and the risks it involves. I know no one wants to look stupid or look like they got punked, but it is time to step our game up and quit worrying what other people think. I know that is hard, but try it.

As I've gotten older my guide for what I consider a friendship has changed drastically...and it may continue to do so. I said all that to say this...the good friends you do have: cherish them...and if things do go south for whatever reason...just always look back on the friendship and be thankful for it...and learn something from it.

~Miss Guide

College

I work at a university in a large city and everyday I see young people that do not think college is a reality. If there is anyone out there that has a true desire to attend college PLEASE let me know. In my current position I am mainly at community colleges advising students on what they must do to transfer to a 4 year institution. If you are in high school now and want to attend college, but may not have the grades or test scores...go to a community college and transfer. I know it may seem like it is easier said than done, but the process is not a difficult one. I am all about empowerment and uplifting young people so if you have any questions about your education (or anything else)...contact me at blackgirlsguideto@yahoo.com and I will answer your questions!

~Miss Guide

Just Do You

Okay...first off...I wear my hair natural. Does that mean I think everyone should? No, it doesn't....Does that mean I think everyone could? Yes, I do. But that isn't what this is about...this is about the different standards of beauty and how beautiful we as Black women really are. Yes I know we are much more than our hair, but this picture of Yaya with her hair puffed out in all its glory is smoking!!! I love her big healthy hair!!!! Hear me now (well read, but you get it) I am not one of those "Nappy Nazi" types that think all Black women should cut off their processed hair. Not at all. I appreciate all types of beauty. I just wish more sisters did the same. Ladies...we really are beautiful...all of us. A little later down the road I will share my journey to natural hair and how I came to accept the person in the mirror. We may all have our cycles of self esteem issues (for the most part I am your average vain Leo, but there are times when I don't feel as gorgeous as I should...that was a joke...the vain part...well a little) but we should never allow someone else to determine how we feel about ourselves.

Too Late For Regrets...

April 2, 1992
I can't believe it...it really happened. We DID IT!!!!! YES...it!!!! Not sure how I feel, but I know I love him and we were meant to be. Wow...my first time. So happy...

April 2, 2010
Ask me if the guy and I are still together. Go ahead...ask me. Better yet ask me how long we stayed together after that entry. I'm sure you all know the answer. That was a piece of my journal entry from high school. I read it every so often to see how far I've come, but then again...it's a little depressing. My younger self was so in need of love. "She" mistook the small amount attention from a boy that was lost himself and convinced herself she was in love...and even more so she believed he loved her. We talked on the phone every day, he walked me to class, we held hands, and he was SOOOOO good looking! Pretty much the highest of standards in high school, right? Plus he was popular, but he also had a bad temper, was a little jealous and quite possessive of my time. I overlooked it because I really did have deep feelings for him. Our break up was ugly...I mean real ugly. He was with a new girl a day later and I was stuck crying into my pillow for months...if I'm honest with myself I will admit that I carried hurt feelings all through high school. I had to see him with a new girlfriend and I was stuck hurting. Of course I dated other guys, but no one ever was able to replace "My First" in my heart. So what is my lesson in all this? Am I going to tell you to wait until you are married? I would never tell you that, but I do wish someone would have explained to me that while my body may be feeling certain things, my heart was not ready for what happens once you become intimate with someone. No one told me to think about the way I would feel once we broke up. No one told me that one day there would be someone that I wished I would have saved myself for. Do I regret that day? Hmmm...regret is a strong word. To this day I still say that in my own little high school way I really did love him (as much as I could at that time) so I don't know if I regret it or not. Do I wish it would have turned out differently? Yes! Hell Yes! Not to say I wish we could have stayed together...we were never right for each other, but I do wish I would have waited until I was a little more mature to handle all the emotions. Strangely enough we thought it would be a good idea to get back together freshman year in college...EPIC FAIL!!!!! It's all good though...I met my husband sophomore year and "My First" has since stopped dating Black girls. Hmmm...we are so not going there...

Welcome...

The whole focus on this blog is young, Black females. I'm not excluding anyone...But I'm celebrating a certain population...a widely ignored population. Our young sisters are repeatedly looked over in mass marketing. How many magazines are focusing on young, BLACK women? None! Ebony and Essence are for older, self sufficient, established Black women. Sister 2 Sister is for those wanting all the gossip and interviews...I want to do something different. I won't even mention Seventeen and Teen Vogue because we know that Black females are not the main focus. The shelves at bookstores is a bigger insult. I love Twilight like everyone else (no really I do), but will there ever be a young woman that looks like me in a story in the Young Adult section...and better yet...If so; will the story be relevant and REAL?
I want this to be a place where we (I say we because I feel like I am talking directly to you all)can exchange stories and ideas about different things. We will focus on REAL LIFE situations. I will share my stories in a very candid way. I promise...No holds barred! We will talk about relationships, not just with males, but with friends and parents because let's face it...friendships can be toxic and even though parents are the ones we should be able to run to...this is not always the case. We will talk about REAL beauty...not the video images. I am a firm believer in education and since I work in higher ed...if you have any college questions please feel free to contact me. We will talk about health issues...and that includes mental health ladies...a wounded spirit will affect the physical body. There will be an advice section, I will do interviews with some of my male friends for a little translation in "Boyspeak", and I will also interview my female friends that have been through it, but made it out...maybe with a few battle scars...but the point is that they survived! There is more to come, but in true ladylike fashion...I won't give it all away up front! So stop by often, read, leave a comment, and if you have something you would like to add or ask...please e-mail me at blackgirlsguideto@yahoo.com

~Miss Guide